Dating and Marriage

 It is well known that dating is a precursor of marriage. There are several steps before marriage like dating, courtship which is a little more focused on what is been expected of the time spent together, engagement and marriage. Even though if you share that with someone they would probably agree with that concept, is not as common practice as it use to be before. Sadly nowadays people are more prompted to want a quicker result with fewer possible negative outcomes. If they can get what marriage can offer, but without the possible consequences if "It does not work" they will opt for that. That is what we know as cohabitating. That practice has many disadvantages that will happen, they are not a matter of if they get to happen, but when they happen. Some of those would be caused by the important factor in marriage which is commitment. If you notice, a couple that chooses to marry is choosing to commit even in the hard times. They put things in place to make sure that they will work together, like joining bank accounts, marrying civilly making sure the spouses are responsible for the well-being of each other, and several other things. A  couple that chooses to cohabitate is not attached to anything like that, so when things get tough they can leave with no consequences and start over somewhere else.

One of the reasons I feel this is happening is because now instead of going on dates and starting courtship and possibly getting engaged and married, people are just hanging out. Even though hanging out is not an evil thing in its nature, when it replaces dating, things will get lost in the process.  Some of the most important roles that are experienced and learned through dating like knowing how to respect the other person's body, learning how to provide for someone else instead of just you, oh to learning how to plan and take decisions as a couple knowing the benefits and consequences. All of those things are going to play a role in life, especially after they get married. It is extremely dangerous for the integrity of a couple to skip those steps. But there are more problematic patterns. 

Some goals bring a direction for a healthy and prosperous relationship, one that will hold on a solid base and is going to be able to avoid most problems. They work as a ladder and are very easy to understand and self-explanatory. It represents each step of building a relationship. Is called the RAM. Which stands for the relationship attachment model. The first is to know the person, at the degree you know they will not be a bad influence on you because of their lifestyle and also if it was safe. Second is trust, just enough to start sharing more important information about you and be more comfortable with them. The third is rely on, which will happen when you can expect certain needs to be met without having to push them. Fourth is to commit, this happens when you make the conscient choice of putting away other choices of dating. This is particularly important to achieve in the proper way to avoid major consequences in matters of emotions or physical decisions. And last is to touch, which involves kisses, holding hands, hugs, and more. However, they are limited but any kind of sexual intimacy and even practices that are too intense like passionate kissing. The advantage of using this process is that you avoid doing bad decisions while choosing who to date and possible marriage. Because you can not commit to someone that you do not know, or you can not touch someone that you have not to commit, how would you trust someone you do not know. Is easy to go back a step and fix the problems with this process.